I’ve been collecting some thoughts over the last 4 months and figured I share some postpartum thoughts here with you.
1. There is not enough good care for mothers. I experienced great trauma after the birth of my son. I shared more of that story here, but the placenta did not detach so I had to have it surgically removed and I also hemorrhaged losing 2 liters of blood requiring a blood transfusion. Even still my provider didn’t schedule an appointment until 6 weeks postpartum, though I did end up scheduling one earlier for myself due to other complications. Just to be discharged from the hospital we had to show that we had an appointment scheduled with a pediatrician for no later than 48hrs! Healthcare in America for moms is just really truly sad, I’ve learned that I have to FIGHT for myself and my health, demanding the care I know I deserve and need!
2. That first month is hard! Trying to heal & recover, adjust to a new normal, suffering from sleep deprivation…it is all so overwhelming. I don’t know that anything or anyone can prepare you for it but I do wish there was just better general support for women. I am so thankful that my mom stayed with us that first week we were home and then my in-laws were with us the following week, I seriously do not know how we would’ve survived without them! But I know for me this time was just mentally difficult and I’ve never felt so alone, I shed a lot of tears.
3. Motherhood can feel lonely. I read this a lot during pregnancy and even a lot since giving birth but I think I am just now grasping what it means. You’re up in the middle of the night nursing a baby alone and it sometimes feels like you’re the only person in the world not asleep. You go without normal adult interaction all day when you’re home with just a baby – I didn’t realize how much this affected me until I returned to work and had more daily adult interactions. Through social media you see friends doing things you know you won’t be able to for a while and feel isolated. Some days (i.e. a lot of days) you are emotionally, mentally, and physically tapped out that it is hard to even connect with your spouse. It becomes difficult to recognize yourself, not just in the mirror, but you forget who you are, the things that make you you – this is still such a struggle for me, sometimes I feel like I am losing myself. I am constantly thinking about what I need to be doing next to care for my baby that even when I have time to myself I don’t really know what to do anymore.
4. SHARE! Talk about your story and share how you’re feeling with other women & moms. This seriously has helped me heal SO much, connecting with others is just powerful. A co-worker had a baby a couple weeks before me, her due date was actually after mine but she ended up having her little girl before I had Ronald. We’ve chatted quite a bit about our experiences since returning to work and we’ve both commented how good it feels to relate to someone else. Of course I’ve shared my story here on the blog and received great support too. Along with sharing during the difficult times of motherhood too on Instagram and getting messages/comments about how others had similar feelings. We’re never alone but sometimes it can feel like it, I’ve found sharing my story encourages others to do the same and we all end up feeling better about it in the end.
5. Breastfeeding is HARD and there is nothing natural about it, I guess other than it comes from nature. You are literally having to simultaneously learn a new skill while also teaching that new skill you are learning to someone who has ZERO life experience. Even once I thought I had the hang of it some new thing popped up and I was navigating through that. I am constantly thinking about if Ronald ate enough or when I’ll have to feed him next, hoping that he nurses well, wondering if my milk is the cause of some issue. Then comes pumping at work and I’m just praying that I pump enough to fill his bottles for the next day. I drink SO much water, take a ton of vitamins, and work so hard to keep my milk supply up so no matter what it is hard to not take it personal when I feel like his health & growth are directly tied to me.
Amen- yesss to it all- you got this XO
Rechelle… this is a powerful HONEST post. Thank you for sharing what you’ve been going through. I’ve never had children so I can’t “feel you” on what you have/are experiencing. I’ve read other blogs and articles about post partum issues – it’s not easy being a mom. I hope that you will find others who will support/guide you as you go through stages of motherhood.
Have a great Fourth of July.
Thanks so much Laurie! Through sharing my story I’ve connected with so many others, it has been truly healing.
I hope you enjoy your 4th of July too!!
It makes me sad that 14 years after my first was born we still have the same problems with care for moms!
Ugh, so frustrating!
Yeah healthcare in America never used to be so bad. Then the Democrats and their gang got their hands on it created Obamacare.whole bunch of exter programs physicians had to buy. Trust me you think Canada has a better healthcare you’re dead wrong. I lived there three years.