Today I want to talk about the greatest gift I think you can give your spouse. Grace. It doesn’t always come easy and does take practice, but I do believe that giving each other grace has been one of the biggest positive factors in our marriage. Grace can be the difference between a husband & wife in conflict and a couple feeling connected.
A year or two ago, my hubby was picking me up from work since we carpool, it was a Friday during the summer. I was ready to leave work early because, duh Friday during summer! So I texted him a half hour earlier than we normally leave but never heard back so I texted him again at the time we usually leave, waited another 15 minutes and tried again. Then I resorted to calling & leaving voicemails as well as contacting him on his work cell phone. Finally well over an hour after I was ready to get the heck outta work, my husband called me to say that he was so sorry and was on his way. He sent a quick text while he was walking to the car that had he got chatting with people at work, lost track of time, and read the time on his watch wrong.
As you might imagine I was furious and I was hurt. While I had waited to hear from him earlier I had called home to talk with my family to try to distract me. Just moments before Ron arrived to pick me up my Dad sent me this text: “Go easy on him. He probably already feels bad enough.” In an instant my heart changed because my Dad was so right. I got in the car and (after I swallowed my pride) grabbed his hand and just cried really hard. I let my husband know that it was okay, I wasn’t mad at him, and I knew he was sorry. We rode home holding hands with very few words exchanged but honestly there were more emotions & love over those 30 wordless minutes than I think I’ve ever experienced. I’ve never felt more as one unit than in that moment. Grace y’all. For each other.
Even just last week all I wanted was to hit up the library & post office after work (again with the after work fiascoes lol), my husband was a little late picking me up so I said no big deal we’d go the following day. Well, of course as luck would have it he was EVEN later that day and I was frustrated because it meant we couldn’t run those errands again as we had to get home to the beags. Honestly, I very difficultly chose grace in the situation. It looked a lot like me getting in the car and just not talking. But then HE SHOWED ME GRACE! My husband knew I was frustrated and he knew I was trying to bite my tongue, so he reached over and put his hand on my leg and I just let out a great big sigh. The placement of his hand and look on his face said “I’m sorry I was late, I know you really wanted to run those errands and I let you down. And its okay to be frustrated because I am too. But I love you, always.” Yes, seriously all those words were said with one action and I felt freed! 😉
It is in those moments when we most want to yell, argue, or just plain be mean that it is important to instead genuinely say sorry to believe in your heart that your spouse only ever has good intentions towards you. To forgive and move on. Either one of us could have reacted negatively in those situations but what good would it have done? It would have just upset both of us more and made the rest of our evening tense. I’d rather show grace and find happiness.
I share these stories as encouragement for you and also a reminder for me. Our marriage isn’t perfect and we certainly don’t always remember to show one another grace too, but oh when we do life is just better. It may feel good in the moment to get angry or blame one another but I can truly say that it is SO MUCH BETTER when you choose grace instead. And I think maybe even it gets a little sweeter each time too 😉
**Photos, as always, taken by our favorite Lynzee Harrison Photography**
That’s really beautiful and thanks for sharing. I have a hard time not showing frustration and I know it’s something I need to work on!
Thank you so much Dara! I struggle with it too, always a work in progress – but what is most important is that we recognize it and do actually work on it 🙂 Hope your week it going well!
Love this so much Rechelle!
Awe, thank you Kayla! 🙂
Such powerful (and convicting) words, Rechelle! I don’t know how long you’ve been married, but I’ve been married over 20 years, and being snarly/snippy/sarcastic/boastful when things don’t go quite as planned can get to be habit forming. Really. I’m so glad that you (try to) take a deep breath and give your husband grace, and that you recognize your feelings. I know he (and God) knows what you’re thinking… Thank you for your special words today, and for sharing something personal. It’s been a hard week, and you’ve given me food for thought instead of wallowing in my own woes.
Thank you so very much, Laurie! I’ve been married 3.5 years, but have been with my husband almost 9 years now. So true, those negative reactions really can become such a bad habit. This was something that was just placed on my heart recently that I felt compelled to share here – I am happy to have brought a little light to your tough week!
I forgot to add that the second picture of you laughing out loud w/your family on the blanket brought joy to my tired mind/soul this morning when I was reading your post. Thank you…
Awe, that is so sweet! You bring ME joy with every kind comment you leave here on my blog. Thank you so very much for reading! I am sending happy thoughts and positive prayers your way, friend 🙂
I’m just now reading this from the link in your 2 year blog anniversary but wow did this speak to me! My fiancé and I have been at each other lately and getting easily frustrated. We usually share some annoyed words with one another full of attitude and then go about our day. We’ve been working (and doing rather well!) with showing grace to one another but reading this makes me see our relationship from new eyes! Monday he brought home flowers and a “sorry” look and I was happy but also still bitter and I didn’t show him grace when I should have. After reading this I know what I need to do. Thanks for the words! <3
I am so glad you found power in this post Sarah! It can be a struggle sometimes and we all need a gentle reminder every now and then to use grace a little more often. Prayers & positive vibes that you & your fiance work through it, not always easy but it helps that you recognized the issue 🙂