Mondays are usually for my Wind Down the Weekend posts. This weekend I finished watching the Parenthood series and it has me feeling all sorts of emotions! So, instead today I’m sharing something a little more personal, my emotions on HOME.
I don’t make it home to the house and community that built me nearly enough. I like to think that it is mostly because I’ve come to learn that home is more a feeling than a place and I feel most at home when I’m with my people. Regardless of the excuses one thing that has never changed is that I still cry when I leave HOME.
The first few years after leaving home for college and returning on weekends to visit I cried when I left because while I was having the time of my life it was still a big scary life out there. I hadn’t realized how difficult life was going to be but home was always safe, familiar and made me not want to go back out into the world.
Then the last couple years of college when I would leave home after visiting I cried because I had begun to realize that it would never again be my permanent address. My listed home would not be that little gingerbread house anymore. I hadn’t fully understood this when I moved out some years before.
After buying a house of my own and settling in, I cried every time I left home because ‘home’ had started to become something different. Home was now where I lived day in and day out and that little gingerbread house felt more like a place that I visited.
And now I cry when I leave ‘home’ because there is nothing more I want than to raise my own family in the home that raised me, yet it is simply not a reality. I want my own family to grow in a little house that may seem it doesn’t have much to offer but allows you to appreciate life so much more, with extended family just a house or two away.
I may still cry when I leave that home. But I know I am creating that same environment and replicating the ‘home’ that I have always known.
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